Go West

So, here we are. The deed has been done and we are now officially (albeit temporary) citizens of the West and it is lovely. I can't quite get over how idyllic it is. I've missed walking past people who almost all give you a nod, a smile or hello. It's nice to be able to smile at a passer by without them instantly assuming you are going to mug them. I can now say thank you to bus drivers and strike up conversations with strangers without feeling like a complete weirdo. It's good to be back home.

Our walk into town is like something out of a Dickensian novel, cobbled streets lined with beautiful cottages with the scent of freshly baked bread wafting from their windows. Streets filled with the most beautiful little shops where we have so far visited the apothecary, candle makers, cobblers, butchers, bakers and green grocers. It really is like another world. Part of me fears that we could get a little bit too comfortable here, to settle down again and disrupt our best laid plans. We will try our hardest not to, but for now we will bask in the beauty of it all and wait for our own little festive miracle to occur before we start the planning and prepping for the next stage...

x

Drawing to a close

The past couple of weeks have been chaos, tears, tantrums, goodbyes and good lucks. But now we are almost done. Bean and I are holed up in the countryside whilst M finishes up his last week of work and packs up the stragglers we left behind at the weekend. I have never in my life felt so blessed to have such a wonderful network of friends around me and am already missing them so very much, but to move forward as a family and to start making our plans and dreams into realities we have had to make some incredibly difficult decisions to say goodbye to our very comfortable way of life as well as good friends and family, but now we are taking the first tentative steps towards a whole new way of life. The reality that we are very close to having a brand new family member joining us has just started to hit us, I think it may now be time to start sorting out supplies and birth plans. This is one of the most exciting and terrifying weeks of our lives, it's as if we are standing on the precipice of a great chasm getting ready to jump. It may not be quite that quick but the forward momentum has started and soon we will be able to share our wider and greater plans with the world. Exciting times.

I am grateful for

Being amazed by just how supportive my family have been in a time of need

Knowing that although we are moving away from people it is in no way goodbye

The opportunity to realise a family dream

Being together 

Realising what is really important to us

The people around us

Possibilities and dreams

I wait with baited breath to see what the future holds for us.

x

Coughs, colds and conjunctivitis

The past week or so has been one of coughs, snuffles and tickly throats. One by one we have all come down with the same ailments adding to the already full-on atmosphere of the house at the moment. Being pregnant most of the usual syrups and pastilles you would usually buy are no longer deemed safe, although in all honesty I have taken nothing more than paracetamol (twice) since Bean was born. Little by little my interaction with mainstream medicine has been weakening. The absolute desire to do right by my child has had a wonderful knock on effect on both mine and M's health. We know more about nutrition and using it to heal our bodies; we are learning new ways of using nature and the things around us to strengthen our immune system. Not that we always agree of course. I am definitely the more open-minded one when it comes to all things deemed hippy, new age, alternative, etc, etc. But very luckily, science is bit by bit beginning to back up many things used in traditional and folk medicines and giving me another leg to stand on.

So, I thought I would share with you some of the home brewed healing remedies we have been using to get through this most snotty of times.

Conjunctivitis. I am lucky enough to still be breastfeeding Bean and with this comes access to one of the most glorious liquids known to man: Breast milk! One of the many wondrous things that breast milk does is treat conjunctivitis, one squirt before bed and it was gone by the morning. Amazing stuff. Obviously not everyone has easy access to breast milk, but I have been assured that raw cow's and raw goat's milk both do the job fantastically as well.

For colds and coughs I have been passed a couple of marvellous recipes by friends and family. The first is what is commonly known as garlic lemonade. Many people and blogs talk of it's effectiveness and I wholeheartedly agree, it really does work and doesn't taste as horrific as it sounds (especially if you are a garlic fiend like me). The recipe I use is a wee bit more garlicky than most, but, as I said, I am a garlic fiend.

1 pint of filtered water
5-10 cloves of garlic peeled and lightly squashed
The juice of half a lemon (or more to taste)
Raw honey to taste

Bring the water to the boil in a saucepan. Remove from the heat, add the garlic gloves and leave covered to steep. After 20-30 minutes strain to remove the garlic gloves and add the lemon juice and honey to taste. And voila! Quick, simple and really does work wonders.

There are a couple of recipes for easing coughs, this one from the Coconut Mama works wonders but as we have a great big bag of flaxseeds to use up I have been using one with a flaxseed base.

250ml of filtered water
3 tablespoons of flaxseeds
3 tablespoons of lemon juice
3 tablespoons of raw honey

Boil the flaxseeds in the water until it become thick and viscous. Strain to remove seeds. Wait to cool, then add the lemon juice and honey. Mix it all up and store in the fridge for up to a week.

Hopefully some of these might be of some help for you as well. Do you have any home remedies you rely on?

x

A hectic week

This week just hasn't stopped. We have had so much to do and sort and prepare for. We decided to do a very last minute open house to try to off load a whole load more stuff. It's crazy how much stuff we have amassed over the last 8 years. More stuff than we could ever possibly need. All day today people have come and gone, we have sold many things but have twice as much left to sell. Next week will be another week of endless sifting, photographing, collections, drop offs, packing. Seeing all our stuff in this way, as a burden to sell, has made me so much more aware of our consumption. How much we have purchased, yet in reality how little we truly need. A few things that we really love and would want to find space for when we settle down again have slipped through but mostly the things have so little true meaning to us. The only things I am truly sad about leaving behind are the wonderful people I have been lucky enough to have in my life here. We have had some wonderful opportunities to spent some days meandering with these wonderful people in the autumn sunshine. I just hope we can find the time to spend as much time with them as possible before we leave. 

This week I am grateful for

Crisp, sunny autumn days

Stumbling upon a raw honey stall after weeks of searching

Bean and friend cuddles
Busy days selling
A very long lie in
Amazingly wonderful friends who I will miss all the way down to my bones
Friends that you can talk for hours to and feel as if 10 minutes has passed

My only hope for next week is that we will find the time to see our friends on top of all the selling and packing. 

x

Satisfying my sweet tooth

{via}

Now I am in my eighth month of pregnancy I am trying to commit to excluding sugar and wheat from my diet to help reduce inflammation and congestion in my neither regions (and elsewhere of course). I have a pretty insatiable sweet tooth. For as long as I can remember I have been quite horrifically addicted, to the point that as a child I would make butter icing sandwiches – disgusting I know. This is my second attempt at this, for me, almost unimaginable task. My first attempt was before the birth of my daughter Bean. Lets just say it wasn't very successful. This time around I am already massively healthier, I have pretty much removed wheat from my diet for the past 2.5 years, but sugar remains my achilles heel. But I am armed with more information and greater knowledge not only of the nasty effects of sugar but also of lovely natural alternatives that don't upset our lovely bodies. So I thought I would share and discuss a few of them with you.

At the moment I am relying exclusively on honey, maple syrup and coconut palm sugar to get me through my sugary needs. We try to stick to organic maple syrup and I am on the look out for raw local honey as it's health benefits far outweigh the benefits of processed honey. Coconut palm sugar is a bit of a funny one. I have heard conflicting things about coconut palm sugar so we try to use it very sparingly although it does make a fabulous like-for-like processed sugar replacement.

Cold treats;

Honey ice cream
Peach frozen yogurt
Strawberry coconut ice cream
Peanut butter banana "ice cream"
Peanut banana nibblers

Chocolate treats
Raw paleo snickers bar
Paleo rolos
Raw peanut butter cups (for which i have amalgamated my own recipe which I will photo and put up next time I make them for your viewing pleasure)

Anything from this website.

I don't know about you but my mouth is watering!

Do you eat much sugar? Any delightful sugar and wheat free concoction you can add to my list?

x

A lost week

This week has been a strange one, it seems to have slipped through my fingers with barely a passing glance.  I feel as though I have got nothing done and we still have so much more to be done before we move in 18 days. The house is gradually emptying but I think we need to up the pace somewhat, we have become a little complacent and are rapidly running out of time to get things done. I have taken very few photos this week and most were of very poor quality at  a bowling alley but I will keep plugging away and with time will get there, so please excuse the lack of images.

This week I am grateful for

Our first family fireworks display

Truffles and Mysore sambar

Finding a cheap laptop

Friendly midwives in times of need

Family visits
Greetings from old friends
The number of people willing to buy our possessions

Over the next week we need to really concentrate on getting things packed and sold so I am really hoping I can balance that with spending time with the people we will miss with all our hearts. I will avoid having anymore expectations of ourselves than that. Wish us luck!

Improving photography

Just before Bean was born we bought a new camera, a digital SLR. Both M and I had every intention of learning how to use it; to become capable photographers and take beautiful pictures of our growing family. Somehow time slipped away from us and now here we are near three years later and we are both just as clueless about the art of taking (and editing) beautiful photos.

One of things I have missed about blogging has been the incentive to pick up the camera. To document the little things, the seemingly insignificant things that you realise later are the things that made your day beautiful, the toothy grin, the paint covered fingers, the buds of your childs first home grown sunflower. The little things that really matter. That push to overcome my fear of looking like a bit of a dork with this lovely camera and no idea how to take lovely looking photographs. But like all things, without pushing yourself or risks everything becomes stagnant. That is where my photography lies, in a stagnant, murky pool of I wish. But not for long.

So today I am setting a new intention. I am packing our camera in my bag and there it will stay, to be puled out every time I see something is beautiful or interesting, to catch those little moments of magic. I am sure many photos will be duds, but over time and with practice these will become less and less.

As for most things the pinterest and the internet in general are invaluable tools. I have been scouring different articles and sites and have found that the same few areas pop up...

Lighting - One of the most recurrent tips is lighting, stay away from flash. Natural lighting is your friend, learn how to utilise it, the times of day the light is best, angles, shadows.

Get to know your camera - This one is a little bit more complicated. First off read your manual, know what the different buttons and settings do; how to navigate your camera quickly and with ease. Ditch auto mode auto mode and get to grips with the basics of ISO, shutter speed and exposure. Experiment and see what works best for you.

Inspiration - Look at other peoples photos, what are you drawn to? What is it about the lighting/composition/content that inspires you?

Hmm. Sounds like I have a lot of work to do. Hopefully you will start to see the results on here soon...

Are you a lover of photography? What camera do you use? Do you have any tips and tricks that might help me and others on the way to successful photography?

x

Quiet reflection

Most of my life I have struggled with gratitude. I have been an incredibly demanding person and lost many people from my life as they found they struggled with my constant demands for time, attention, love and things as I struggled to find the thing that would fill the gaping void felt in my heart and soul. Over time I began to realise that this approach was doing nothing and that what I was looking for wasn't going to be found by looking outside of myself.

I have always been drawn to spirituality. During my early years in London I would regularly pass the North London Buddhist Centre. My pace would slow as I'd try to peak in through the windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of what was going on inside. Each time urging myself to be brave enough to step inside and figure out what it was that made my heart reach out every time I walked past. Sadly I never did. It took me 5 years and having a baby before I felt brave enough internally to face the walk inside a Buddhist centre without someone to hold my hand.

I am not a Buddhist, I do not meditate as often as I should, I can not remember all the precepts, or recite chants. I can however say that the philosophies that I was exposed to have changed my outlook on life. The ones that have changed me most profoundly are a new found ability for empathy and gratitude. I was until quite recently keeping a gratitude journal, but with the upheaval and stress at the moment I have been struggling to keep on top of everything so I have decided to try to keep a weekly one instead, to sit down and think about how, even in the most trying of times, I still have so very much to be grateful for. 

So, this is my new Sunday ritual, a quiet reflection of my life. What makes it beautiful and special and how I can work to make it better for myself and the people around me.

This week I am grateful for...

 Dancing around the living room with Bean
Staying up too late setting the world to right with a friend over tea and brownies
Bean playing happily alone

Visits to friends houses

Warm tea in the blustery woods

Friends who bring spare trousers for when little people have accidents

Looking into M's eyes and knowing that we're a team

Getting up to find that dinner and breakfast have been prepared for you
Birthing affirmations and backstrokes
Sleeping through the night in her own bed
Hot cocoa in front of a roaring fire

Although so many things this week have warmed my heart and made me smile, I know that there are so many things I still need to work on to make our lives better. Next week I will try to be kinder to those around me, to think of their needs as much as I think of my own. To focus on the things we get done and not let them overwhelm me, stop, breath and smile before I react.

Do you have any weekly rituals? How do you remain thankful for all the wonderful things in your lives? 

x

Who would have thought.

 Image via I am project

So it is now official. We are leaving London. We are not only leaving London, we are leaving our old lives behind, reassessing what is important to us as a family and as people of our own. We are looking for a way to make our dreams into realities, to move past our 'we'll live our dreams tomorrow, next week, month, year' mentality.

The great sale of everything but our most precious and essential things has begun. I'm surprised by how liberating and exciting it feels to slowly see your home reducing to an empty shell. So much of my life I have clung so dearly to things to define the person I was, as if by owning certain things it would bring me that step closer to being the person I thought I should be. The projection of someone I thought was 'cool' and 'interesting'. It is only now I am starting to question how many of my 'interests' I am really interested in, how much of it a front for the sort of person I wished I was or felt I should be. What it is I really want.

When I first came to London I had so many expectations of what London would do for me, who it would help me become, the type of life I would lead. A fashion student living off Marlboro lights and diet coke, surrounded by mountains of clothes that I never truly felt comfortable in, in a disastrous relationship with a man (not a bad one just a very unsuitable one) who ran a pub where all the cool kids and boys in bands hung out, drinking and taking drugs to avoid looking at the things that were happening inside of me, terrified of being alone with myself and having to face my demons. It's not surprising that within 6 months of moving to London I had a minor nervous breakdown and my life fell apart.

I have spent the last 8 years of my life reconciling this idea of who I thought I should be and who I was. It took a long time to let go of my old life and my old expectations of myself. Although I had been taking tiny steps towards it, the catalyst for real change came with the birth of my daughter.

Having a child changed my life. I have never in my life felt such consuming, all encompassing love for anything. The kind of love that burns your world to the ground forcing you to rise anew from the ashes. For the first time in my life I loved my body. I was proud of it, proud isn't even the word. Awe, I felt total awe at what my body had done. The ability to create and sustain life, not just any life, the life of this most incredibly loved creature that lay shifting in my arms. I began to look at the female body as beautiful in a way that was beyond outward appearance, as something powerful and magical. For the first time I felt truly able to look at myself with love and respect.

As my daughter grew older I realised that the greatest gift I could give her was to be true to myself and become the person that I was underneath all the crap that had been getting in the way. To be a true role model to her.  So I worked, everyday, on the parts of myself I did not want to pass on to her. Don't get me wrong, I am no saint, I make mistakes and I am in no way perfect. But everyday I try, I look into myself and am starting be strong enough to see the broken, angry, hurting parts, the dark and dirty parts and to accept them, to acknowledge that they are an important part of who I am. I still don't know where it is I'm heading or what it is I will do when I get there, but for the first time that's ok, I don't need to, I trust myself and know that if I follow my heart and am true to myself I will no longer look back on my life with regrets. I am growing my wings so I can one day teach my daughter to fly.

So, here we are, facing the greatest upheaval of our life as a family, at the most awkward of times, in a hugely uncertain way, yet I don't feel stressed or angry or even sad. Of all the ways I wanted London to change me I never expected it would change me in the ways I needed. I am not a high flyer in expensive shoes, glossy and preened to perfection. I don't have a circle of important and cool friends, I don't have a well paid job and a fat bank account. I have none of things I came to London desiring. But, I am leaving with the things that I needed.

I never expected to change so much, to be able to look inside and accept myself. I didn't in my wildest dreams believe I could walk away from London with hope and the first glimmers of peace in my heart. To walk away stronger, with a heart and family so full of love that it could burst. To finally be walking the path that in my heart feels right.

Sometime when things fall apart...

They are really just falling into place.

Sometimes the universe intervenes and helps us make the decisions that we have been too scared, too comfortable, too complacent to make. The kind of decisions that turn your world upside down and make you have to rethink all of your plans and goals but that open up a world of new possibilities.

And so, at 7 months pregnant I now find myself planning some the biggest and most risky changes I have ever made, to take myself and my family in a new direction, looking for a new life, a life of freedom and possibilities.

Although my hands are shaking with fear and my head is spinning I find that my heart is open and soaring in way that had been lost to it for so long. The possibilities are endless and life is beautiful.