I am exhausted. Worn out. Monologued out. Played out.
Hubble is over at the new house. He's been there pretty much since dawn and will be there until long after dusk. He is working so hard. But the stress is getting to me.
I love being a Mummy. I really do. Bean is the most amazing child and is, pretty much, always a delight to be around, but I'm baby'ed out. I am just longing for a snippet of baby free time. To go to the toilet without her gorgeous little face appearing from around the corner to check that I'm still there. Not to be on alert for the first cries from the bedroom. Not to be clearing up her food or making more of it. Even, just to get some of the housework done!
Just. To. Stop.
For a moment.
I have a new found respect for single parents. In my moments, when full of anger, in an argument, I've thought I'd be happier going it alone. I now know how wrong I was. Without the tiny little things, helps and breaks that seem so insignificant, it is like scaling an endless mountain. It makes me love and respect my own mummy all the more for the never ending time, effort and love she gave us. Also, I thank the stars for finding my sweet, kind (forgiving of my mad ravings) man.
So, to all the mummies and daddies climbing a mountain alone, my heart goes out to you. You are so strong and so brave. I hope one day your babies will look at you, see that too and be thankful for all that you have done.
x
Image by Honeycomb
Hi, thank you for your lovely comment on my blog, 1001 ways to be more lovely. I too am looking forward to winter so I pull out the thick knits.
ReplyDeleteI have been pouring over your blog, and I find you such an inspiring woman. Being way too incredibly young in this world, I love observing mothers, especially my own - and I must say this to you now, though you may not be a single mum - I still have NO idea how you do it, man or no lovely man.
(and I must agree, just working with kids alone has made me appreciate all that my gorgeous mother has done - is doing - for me)
thank you for the lovely reminder.
All the best,
Steph
@1001ways-to-be-more-lovely.blogspot.com
My mom was a single mom and you're right; I don't know how she did it! But she did, and she was wonderful. I hope you get a child free afternoon someday soon :)
ReplyDeleteI sympathise, sounds like you really need a break. Going outside for a walk in a park or somewhere usually helps. You have to get out and be with people
ReplyDeleteeach and every weekend my man works double shifts leaving me with full time baby care. am right with you, i have wondered how women (and men) doing it alone don't just abandon ship. we are very lucky to have support. but partner in it or not we all need some space to breathe. make sure you take yours. x ashley
ReplyDeleteCrystal,
ReplyDeleteReading this post really touches me. One, because I was a single mother for several years (I wrote a post about that called "To be a single mother") and second because I felt the same tiredness as you are describing right before my baby started going to the nursery, I desperatly needed time for myself, and yet felt guilty that I was so happy when he was asleep :)
We love our children, no question about that, but it's tough to be a parent and it's good to say it out loud.
Did you feel better after right it?
Hope you got some time for you since then :)
I completely agree - I adore being a mum but I ache sometimes for half an hour to have both hands free so I can sew! Loving the illustration - a lot like my sister's work ... www.sallyleach.co.uk. And Cleveland Pools are in Bathwick, just off Beckford Gardens. Really hidden though down a tiny ginnel. Mrs B x
ReplyDelete