Quiet reflection

Most of my life I have struggled with gratitude. I have been an incredibly demanding person and lost many people from my life as they found they struggled with my constant demands for time, attention, love and things as I struggled to find the thing that would fill the gaping void felt in my heart and soul. Over time I began to realise that this approach was doing nothing and that what I was looking for wasn't going to be found by looking outside of myself.

I have always been drawn to spirituality. During my early years in London I would regularly pass the North London Buddhist Centre. My pace would slow as I'd try to peak in through the windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of what was going on inside. Each time urging myself to be brave enough to step inside and figure out what it was that made my heart reach out every time I walked past. Sadly I never did. It took me 5 years and having a baby before I felt brave enough internally to face the walk inside a Buddhist centre without someone to hold my hand.

I am not a Buddhist, I do not meditate as often as I should, I can not remember all the precepts, or recite chants. I can however say that the philosophies that I was exposed to have changed my outlook on life. The ones that have changed me most profoundly are a new found ability for empathy and gratitude. I was until quite recently keeping a gratitude journal, but with the upheaval and stress at the moment I have been struggling to keep on top of everything so I have decided to try to keep a weekly one instead, to sit down and think about how, even in the most trying of times, I still have so very much to be grateful for. 

So, this is my new Sunday ritual, a quiet reflection of my life. What makes it beautiful and special and how I can work to make it better for myself and the people around me.

This week I am grateful for...

 Dancing around the living room with Bean
Staying up too late setting the world to right with a friend over tea and brownies
Bean playing happily alone

Visits to friends houses

Warm tea in the blustery woods

Friends who bring spare trousers for when little people have accidents

Looking into M's eyes and knowing that we're a team

Getting up to find that dinner and breakfast have been prepared for you
Birthing affirmations and backstrokes
Sleeping through the night in her own bed
Hot cocoa in front of a roaring fire

Although so many things this week have warmed my heart and made me smile, I know that there are so many things I still need to work on to make our lives better. Next week I will try to be kinder to those around me, to think of their needs as much as I think of my own. To focus on the things we get done and not let them overwhelm me, stop, breath and smile before I react.

Do you have any weekly rituals? How do you remain thankful for all the wonderful things in your lives? 

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