Bean

My little bean has just turned 10 months. I keep meaning to write about her, about us, about our adventures, about our lazy days. But I keep not doing it. So much has happened, already slipped past us and I am starting to feel afraid that I am losing it all. My brain keeps losing the amazing moments we have had, they are being devoured by new ones.

I struggle to put into words the feelings, the experiences, the moments. I don't think I will ever be eloquent enough. But I have to start before it is lost forever.

So ala Kellie I will write for my love every month. This blog was supposed to be for her. I think it is time I got back to my roots...

Where to start?

You have never been a good sleeper, my beautiful bundle of energy. You don't switch off. You crawl about in your sleep, last night you kept head butting me as you lifted off and then flumped back to rest. The night before I found you sat on the floor in front of me smiling with your eyes still closed. Sometimes I have to sleep with my leg and arms wrapped round you to stop you crawling into the wall and waking up crying. Through all the angst and sleeplessness when I feel you relax into my arms all is instantly forgiven.

We took our first walk on the street yesterday. Your stumbling walk like a drunken goose step, trying to chase the people walking past. I wait, quietly looking forward to the first pair of shoes and the first time I let go of your hand in the park. We have so much ahead of us and it makes my head spin with excitement.

We tied to the Christmas tree to the wall. As soon as you saw it you got right in and tried to take it for a walk with you. Your little hands all sticky and smelling of Christmas. We had to clean sap off of your bottom.

I keep trying to take pictures of you. It was so easy when you were stationary. Now all of my photos are a blur of you getting closer and closer until your face is just a looming smudge reaching for the lens. But I promise I will keep trying.

There is too much to write. I don't know where to start or stop so I will leave it for now. Perhaps every month won't be enough. Maybe every fortnight or every week or everyday. We'll see.

x